she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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