dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
