i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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