Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
