I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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