Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
if only i could text you this smell
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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