My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
