I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
