i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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