The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
