You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
