i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
