Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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