I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
