Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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