What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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