i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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