my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize