I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
