you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
