Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
