All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
