You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
