I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize