we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
