Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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