Can i not drive my cunt home
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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