Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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