i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize