also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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