End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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