we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
