the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
