Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
