we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Im part way to drunk.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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