Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize