Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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