I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
