we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
