she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
True strength comes from lack of pants
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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