i just wanna soil my oats bro
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
