That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
