im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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