They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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