just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I need moral support for this bender
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
