I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize