I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
