I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize