how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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