i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
