somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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