I'm gonna have a badass scar
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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