That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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