I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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