God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
