Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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