how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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