How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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