I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
