better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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