My underwear smells like fireworks.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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