they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'm at about main and main street
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
