i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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