I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
