I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
