sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
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