I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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