If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
